Dragoontoons: The Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas
When all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring,
Not even a louse
On the wig I had placed on its stand with great care
(damn that hairdresser - I'll wear my own hair!)
The servants were cow'ring with fear in their beds
In fear lest the Swamp Fox should slice off their heads;
And Mammy in her kerchief and Pa in his cap,
Together were taking a long winter's nap --
When out on the lawn there rose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Gave a lustre of midday to objects below.
When what do my wondering eyes should appear,
But a troop of dragoons in their nifty green gear,
With their Colonel before them, a charming young man,
I knew in a moment it was "Bloody Ban!"
More rapid than eagles his officers came,
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name --
"Now, Captain MacDonald, say, where the hell's Hanger?
-- A slave-girl? -- George, come on, you've no time to bang 'er!
Check the front of the porch, and the old orchard wall,
The slave-quarters, stables... Move along, all!"
As dry leaves before the hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle mount to the sky,
Across our plantation the Legionnaires flew
A-flashing of sabres -- with Banastre, too;
And then in a twinkling, I heard on the stair,
The clunk of a boot, and the jingle of spur.
As I drew in my head and was turning around,
Into my bedroom Ban came with a bound.
His helmet was leather, but furred on the crest,
His jacket was green, a gorget on his breast.
In scabbard, from cross-belt, he wore a fine sword,
And into those doeskins he must have been poured!
His eyes how they twinkled! He'd quite a large nose,
But his face was like milk and his cheeks like the rose!
His droll little mouth had a sweet Cupid's bow,
And the teeth in his grin were as white as the snow!
When he took off the helmet of fur from his head,
His hair was dark auburn, inclining to red.
He was broad in the shoulders and flat in the belly:
I started to feel my legs turning to jelly.
On the short side, but sturdy -- a mischievous elf,
And I drooled when I saw him in spite of myself.
Said I, "You should know, we are all Loyalists here!"
-- "In that case, dear lady, you've nothing to fear!"
-- "But you have, young sir," very boldly I said,
And threw the young Legionnaire on to my bed.
And laying a finger the side of my nose,
I gave him the nod: so he took off his clothes.
When he got to his long-johns, I gave a wolf-whistle,
And down they all fell like the down of a thistle...
And so we now say, ere we blow out the light,
"Merry Christmas to all and to all a Good Night!"

The Night Before Christmas
(1780 South Carolina version)

by Doc M

The Night Before Christmas (1780 South Carolina version)

by Doc M

The Night Before Christmas
(1780 South Carolina version)