o,
all ye miserable sinners and low born, as ye enter through the portals
of the enlistment centres into the land of dubious promise, harken unto
my words for I have long dwelt in this land, and mine eyes have seen all
manner of woeful things and folly.
erily
have I tasted of the bitter fruit of discontent that are Part I Orders,
and have drained the very dregs of the cup of the Daily Syllabus.
irdeth
up thy loins O my son, and take up the cudgel which is thy rifle, for ye
shall make thyself amongst the most high. But, before thou doest so, harken
not to the counsel of the lowly Lance-jack for he is cursed with faulty
judgment and will only lead thee down the paths of wickedness and despair.
ewarest
thou the craven officer bearing the one pip for he will look into thine
eyes with stony countenance and will seek to frighten thee with dark threats
and fierce expressions. Yea, he doth but concealeth a serpent within his
heart and venom issueth forth from his lips. Avoideth him as thou would'st
avoideth the plague, for he will strive mightily to break thy spirit and
forsooth bringeth the tears to now like rushing mountain springs.
ewarest
thou also the offer of employment, for ye shall know then the ungodly wrath
of the mess-Sergeant, and thy heart shall tremble and thy mind shall reeleth
at the great mountain of soiled dishes set before thee.
s
there is a time to speak and a time to be silent, pay heed to the wiseness
of the latter, for thy word will but be scorned and spat upon. Thy silence
will be many times blessed when the clarion call for volunteers is sounded.
Thou shalt learn henceforth that a still tongue is a wise tongue.
ain
not be impressed by the former friend who shall receiveth with great pomp
and circumstance the single chevron, for it is as nothing. Thou shalt behold
how thy former friend will strut about with much posturing like a vainglorious
rooster amongst his flock. He will looketh to thee for words of praise
and worshipful admiration, but yet he will looketh upon thee only as but
an insect that crawleth upon the ground.
ooketh
upon the Quartermaster as a man of great and boundless wealth. By dedicated
wile and perseverance he has amassed his wealth. And if thou would'st make
thine own life easy and free of want, go seeketh his favour and ye shall
be rewarded.
bideth
ye by what I sayeth now; the Quartermaster careth not for the honeyed word
or adoring phrases, but that his delight and fancy for the drink that cheers
should guide thee in what thou should'st showereth upon him in gifts so
that he might grant thee a smile and favour thee with much merchandise.
ewareth
thou the scoundrel who seeketh to gain seconds and even thirds in the mess
queue, for he is a threat unto thy well-being and thy stomach would'st
soon know the pangs of hunger. Revile him in ringing word and profane thought
for he is thrice cursed. Cast him from the queue as thou would'st cast
vermin from thy clothing.
noweth
the big-spender, for he is not to be trusted. He will grovel and cling
to thee in false friendship and he will deplete thy wallet and thy pay
book in endless borrowings, and he knoweth and useth with great imagination
all manner of subterfuge in avoidance of repayment.
nd
as final words of this epistle, thou would'st do well to remove thyself
from the malevolent eyes of the RSM for he loveth with undue passion and
delight to cheweth the posteriors of lowly Privates like thyself. If thou
should‘st fail to harken unto my warning, his rage shall fall upon thee
and ye shall find solace only after many visits to the Padre, and thy heart
will be as the weight of a great stone and thy spirit shall be sorely tried.
ere
Endeth The Lesson.
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